Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
