I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize