Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Randomize
