This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Damn victory sex feels great
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
