plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
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