tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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