Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
