i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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