the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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