Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize