You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
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