She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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