Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Randomize