Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
