So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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