I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
