we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
