is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
