feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
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