my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
