wake up i wanna do it froggy style
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Randomize
