How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
