Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Randomize