No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
My penis needs a shock collar
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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