Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
