You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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