She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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