Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
soo... how was my night?
Randomize
