The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Midget sex pt 2 tonight
are you so shy because you have an std?
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
