I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize