omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Randomize
