My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize