ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize
