Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
