I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
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