it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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