She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Randomize
