smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
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