just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
