he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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