4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
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