I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
