Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
