I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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