its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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