he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
