I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
