I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
