I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
