ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
