she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
My penis needs a shock collar
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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