Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
