I was born with a shot glass in my hand
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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