Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
