i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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