I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
