I look better un-naked...
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
