I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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