then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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