So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
where are my eyebrows?
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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