Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
