eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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